Arrogance

"I have never seen an arrogant side of you. You have a silent
confidence which throws people off. And you think its funny when they
are thrown off so it appears you are arrogant! I also think you don't
take things/life too serious - you see the broader picture of life and
can quickly put things in perspective. People would try to rile you up
at work, come in all hysterical and you would just be calm, cool and
unresponsive to their hysteria. This is also misinterpreted as
arrogance. I will be interested in what other people post. Thanks for
opening yourself up to people's impression of you, very brave." HG

This is the only reply I got. I got other replies but they were not via the blog.

I'm very shy and a lot of times this confuses people. I will avoid meeting new people, by not showing up at parties. If I do have to meet someone new I get all sweaty..a few people have seen this and it's not fun. I get really nervous when I have to meet new people, and I'm very serious sometimes so I can't always tell when people are joking. It's the same when I joke with you. Unless you know me..you may think I am being crude or rude.

I've been through a lot of things growing up that no kid should have to go through..so I guess that has made me who I am today. I was always being pushed around and always being used by other people.

Then that whole drama in high school..my family knows about it..and Marcus knows about it..that just totally sent me over the edge.

I can be very emotional and when I am in one of those moods I just want to be alone. It's better for me not to speak to you..it's best for me to just be alone.
My mom and I used to get into fights all the time. We would give each other the silent treatment. She would always win, and when I say silent treatment I am talking about days. My mom my sister and I are very similar when it comes to not always wanting to be sociable...so some days in the house none of us talked to each other..we still loved each other we just didn't talk..until everyone was on the same wavelength. Even now sometimes when I go to visit my mom she doesn't want to come out of her room or talk, and I just know she is having one of those days. People I've worked with in the past in close environments knew the same thing...I would just tell them..and they would understand..and if they pushed it..they eventually got the point that it was better just to leave me alone until I was approachable again.

Sometimes my mind is running 10, million miles a minute and I can't shut it off.
Someone from off the street could call me the most horrible name and it wouldn't bother me. When it comes to friends and people that I care about, I am easily offended. If I care about you I will do my best not to say anything that would offend you or upset you, and I think that you would likewise offer me the same respect. That's one reason it's hard for me to make new friends...Do I want to invest time and effort into a relationship that's going to fail, because your going to cheat on me,stab me in the back, or lie about me. Or, after hanging out once a week for 2 years, are we just going to stop hanging out just because of something I said or something you said? If that's the case it would have been better to never become friends.

I've been hurt so many time by people who told me they loved me, so I don't really trust people and what the hell is love anyways...and that comes off as wrong sometimes. It's hard for me to talk about it but it's very easy for me to write about it. There is so much that I've been through...maybe one day it will be a best seller someday. That's why I like doing things that totally relax me and clear my head. Instead of doing drugs and that sort of thing I run..and put my energy in other things. I don't see a Shrink...I don't take meds...I RUN!!

I believe that all of us can do something if we really put our minds to it...it's just actually accomplishing it that can be the hard part.

HG asked me to do some writing and post it on the blog..so I think I will do that...look forward to that in the future. Especially after a good run...my mind is totally open and my thoughts can EB and flow...and the keyboard becomes my piano.

I don't mean harm. Really I don't. Ah and if you see me in public I'm not some weird pysco..I'm always the quiet nice guy. If we become friends my sarcasm and jokes will have you doing the "ROFLMAO"..right!!!!

-Run On-